Pretense, Pretext and Ploys
by NeoTroi79
Summary: Short smut, with a dash of lemon zest.  J7.  Q finds out that his Kathy is taken and he doesn’t seem to take it well.
1. Chapter 1

Yay! A K7 fic! ok...read...and giggle...and review!

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Kathryn leaned her head on her hands. "I can't believe I did that." 

She was working in her ready room. _Hiding is more like it_ she thought.

Yesterday's events played through her mind.

_She was in the mess hall. Seven and she had been working on Seven's culinary palate. Kathryn kept staring at the blonde. She was severely and hopelessly attracted to the ex-Borg, and everyone knew it except Seven. _

_They had been talking, at this point it doesn't matter what it was about. All that matters is that somehow Kathryn ended up standing next to Seven. Those luscious full lips called to her. An unseen hand pushed her gently to her prize. She moved in._

_Seven moved back. Kathryn, startled out of her reverie, stopped as well. _

"_Captain." Seven had asked pointedly. "Were you attempting to initiate a kiss?" She didn't say it loud, but it certainly wasn't a whisper either._

_Shocked at her own action, Kathryn replied, "Yes, Seven, I believe I was."_

_Kathryn could see Seven take in this information, process and categorize it. Then correlate it with all her other 'human' experiences. Kathryn waited for the verdict._

"_Captain, the significance of a kiss is mutual romantic love for one another."_

_Kathryn nodded, a lump in her throat._

"_I am sorry, Captain. I do not believe I share a romantic love for you."_

_The redhead nearly choked._

_Seven stood. "I must return to my post. Thank you for your help today." And with that, she calmly walked away._

_Kathryn tensed. The room was strangely quiet. The lunch crowd was reduced to whispers… and they were all about her. The Captain retreated unceremoniously._

Kathryn threw down the padd she was looking at. Simultaneously, the chime sounded. She beckoned the visitor in.

Chakotay smiled at her. He knew very well what was going on and that was all the more reason to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Captain, I've got those sensor reports you wanted."

The redhead nodded as she took the new padd. "Thank you."

"And we've got to go over the duty roster. They're a couple of people requesting shift changes."

Again, she nodded, "Later, Commander, ok?"

Chakotay took the hint and turned to leave. Suddenly and violently, red alert sounded. The command team rushed to the bridge. Kim was just turning the alarm off.

"False alarm, Captain. I have no idea what happened. It just…turned on."

The turbolift doors opened. Seven walked onto the bridge with an overly determined stride. She made her way down to the command platform.

"Seven—?" Kathryn tried to ask.

Instead the blonde grabbed her Captain, cradling Kathryn's head in one hand and her back in the other. Seven's lips crushed into the shorter woman's without resistance. The ex-borg dipped the stunned captain low without breaking the kiss.

Seven kept her lips on Kathryn's for so long, Tom started to cat-call the couple and clap. B'Elanna jumped at the chance and joined in. Harry grinned from ear to ear and Chakotay stared at the couple open-mouthed. Tuvok merely raised his brow.

The blonde placed the redhead upright again with a satisfied look on her face.

Kathryn was in shock, not to mention gasping for breath. "What…I mean…I thought you said."

Seven cut her off, "After reviewing all the data and research that I was able to assimilate on the subject of 'love', I realized that I was mistaken by my first conclusion. I, in fact, have very strong feelings of romantic love for you, Captain."

Kathryn chuckled, promising herself to help Seven with her vocabulary next. "I love you too, Seven." She paused. "Did you set off that alarm?"

Seven nodded. "It was the only way to be certain that you would be on the bridge." The blonde cocked her head. "Do our recent actions call for us to engage in a relationship?"

"I sure hope so, Seven." The redhead nonchalantly grabbed the blonde's hand. _Screw protocol for five minutes_

Suddenly, a thin blue flash appeared on the Bridge, announcing the arrival of non-other than Q.

"What!" He accused. "Kathy! You've dumped me for the Borg Princess?" he feigned dramatic heartbreak as he clutched his chest. "How could you?"

Tom choked back a chuckle, but not before Q saw him. "And you! With the young Harry Kim I hear!"

Tom grinned and Harry turned a beet red, ducking his head.

Q turned back to Janeway. "Why Kathy? We were so good together!"

Janeway rolled her eyes. "You tried to impregnate me with the Q continuum's messiah."

"And you would have been a wonderful mother."

"Is there a purpose for you visit Q?"

Q gave a humph, "Going lezzie has made you much less fun, Kathy."

"Only for you, Q."

"True enough. But there are more homosexuals on this ship than I care to know about…and if I don't care to know, then it's probably an astronomical amount. Is it something in the water?" He queried.

When nobody answered him, he continued with an exasperated sigh, "This is already the ship of gay-dom. And now, with you on the dark side, the whole ship is doomed. Why don't we just paint the ship rainbow and call it a day?" He snapped his fingers.

The stale Starfleet issued bridge became flooded with color. Rainbow flags covered every console. The walls transitioned from on side of the spectrum to the other and all the computer screens flashed rainbows and smiley faces.

Janeway smirked, her current mood refusing to be let down. Besides, this wasn't all bad compared to some of Q's other antics. "Is that all Q?"

Q moved theatrically, crossing the bridge. "Why no, Kathy! Don't you see? With you out of celibacy, I'll have no one to pine over! No one to discuss the workings of the universe with! No one to contemplate eternity with!" He placed a hand on Chakotay's shoulder. "Except Chuckles here, of course. But he's as straight as a flag pole."

Seven chose this moment to be smart. "But you can appear male or female, Q. You are an omnipotent being.

Q clapped his hands delightedly. "Right you are, blondie!"

He snapped his fingers, appearing in Chakotay's arms, wearing a fake curly blonde wig. He clutched the other man's neck. "Will you have me, Commander?"

Chakotay looked hopelessly at the Captain, who was trying hard to stay serious. "Leave him alone, Q" she spoke as if she were speaking to a younger brother.

Q untangled himself to stand and faced the Captain. "Then what would you have me do, Kathy? Besides," He whined as he took off the wig, "Blonde isn't my color."

"You could…change my ship back to the way it was and leave us be, Q."

Q dramatically pouted, "That's not fun." He snapped his fingers.

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Come on, you know it was hilarious! Review!  



	2. Chapter 2

Thanks for the reviews! Enjoy.

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The bridge transformed back into its old self and Q had disappeared. Kathryn looked around the room suspiciously. "That was far too easy." 

Tom shrugged, "Don't knock a good thing, Captain."

Kathryn realized she still had her hand in Seven's. She gently squeezed it and turned to look into Seven's eyes, "Right you are, Mr. Paris. Chakotay, you have the bridge."

The Captain led Seven into her ready room before dropping the ex-Borg's hand. She reached up and tucked a nonexistent flyaway behind the blonde's ear. "Are you positive, Seven?"

The blonde gave a small smile, "As I have said before, I am certain."

Kathryn smiled wide, "Then, would you mind me kissing you while I know what's going on?"

The younger woman cocked her head, "Shall I reciprocate the kiss?"

"I sure hope so, Seven." She laughed.

Slowly, tenderly, Kathryn leaned up and pressed her lips onto the blonde's. She wrapped her arms around the taller woman's neck and pressed harder.

Seven pressed back, her hands on Kathryn's waist. It didn't take long for Kathryn's long celibacy and Seven's research to encourage them into the next step. The redhead asked for entrance with her tongue and it was readily granted. They explored each others mouths, hungry and passionate. Kathryn's hands roamed up and down Seven's back and neck.

"Humph!" Came a voice behind the two women.

Kathryn gasped at the interruption and tried to catch her breath as she turned to see Q sitting on her desk. She ran a finger along her lip line. "_What_ do you want now, Q?"

The omnipotent being tilted his head, "I don't get it." He huffed. "All that kissing. What does she got that I don't have?"

"A pulse, Q." Kathryn shot at him. "Now go away."

Q seemed to consider this for a moment. "Huh." He mused. Then he disappeared.

Kathryn allowed the non-Q environment to sink in. "So," She said, looking into Seven's eyes. "Where were we?"

Seven attempted to answer. "You and I were kissing and you were attempting to…'feel me up'."

The redhead smiled, "Stop hanging around Paris, he's a bad influence." And she dove in for those moist lips again.

Some minutes later, the chime sounded. Kathryn let out a groan and pulled herself away.

Chakotay walked in and eyed the two women. "Captain, I believe public displays of affection are not allowed on duty."

"Captain's prerogative, Commander. Report me to the nearest Admiral if you must."

Seven untangled herself from Kathryn's grip. "The Commander is correct. I must return to my post. I will be in the Cargo Bay after my shift. Meet me then."

The Captain smiled, "Of course, Seven."

Seven walked out, Kathryn took the time to watch the ex-borg's bottom as it swayed back and forth as she strutted through the door. The Captain turned to see the Commander staring at her. "Don't think I didn't see that, Captain."

The Captain met his eyes, "Throw me in the brig then."

Later

Kathryn tried to keep her pace steady as she walked down to the Cargo Bay. She was certain someone had moved it farther away since the last time she had gone to visit Seven.

The Cargo Bay doors obediently opened for the Captain and she moved in and looked around. She immediately spotted Seven.

The blonde was balanced on her console, one knee at her chest and the other dangling. She was leaning back, resting on one hand. She beckoned the Captain with a finger. "I've missed you, darling."

Kathryn took two steps and then stopped. She narrowed her eyes and glared at the ex-borg. "What did you do with the real Seven?"

Seven looked mortified and snapped her fingers. In her place was Mr. Omnipotence himself. "How did you know?" He asked, surprised.

Kathryn was loath to give him pointers, but it felt too good to be right over Q, "The position, the pet name and the real Seven would never use that gesture. Now what did you do to her?"

Q rolled his eyes, "Relax, Kathy, I sent her to your quarters."

"Janeway to Seven."

"Seven here."

"Seven, come back to the Cargo Bay. It was Q."

"On my way, Captain."

Kathryn turned back to Q, "Will you leave us alone, Q?"

Q hopped off the console and circled Kathryn, saying. "But you'll never be happy with her! Blondie is so…" He shuddered in search of the right word, "Dry. You need someone with adventure and passion. Someone with amazing powers of persuasion."

A giant bouquet of red roses appeared in his hand. "Can she get you these?"

Kathryn pushed them away, "I don't need flowers, Q"

"Candy, then! Every woman loves chocolate." A box of chocolates appeared.

"Stop it, Q."

"Puppies! You love puppies. Perfume? Some of every scent. Sappy poetry? Love ballads? Greeting cards? Wine? Rings? Jewelry?

As he spoke things appeared in the Cargo Bay. Soon it was overflowing with bottles of perfume, flower petals, sparkling jewelry and men with guitars singing soft love songs.

Seven chose this moment to walk in.

The ex-borg cocked her head, "Am I interrupting?"

"Yes, thanks goodness." Kathryn rushed over to Seven and made a gesture to turn the blonde around, "Lets get out of here."

"Think about what I said!" Q called as the Cargo Bay doors slid closed on him.

Kathryn held onto Seven's waist protectively as she rushed them down the corridor, ignoring the perplexed stares of her officers. "Fucking Q, why won't he leave us alone?" She muttered.

Seven thought about an appropriate answer, but did not have a chance to voice it as Kathryn guided her into a tubolift.

The redhead calmed and smiled at her taller companion as the turbolift doors closed, intent on making their alone time count. She did not miss the flash of irony as she remembered how many times she had reprimanded crewmembers for PDAs in the turbolifts.

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::grins:: Review! That button down there! Yeah, yeah that one. Press it! 


	3. Chapter 3

Squeeeeee! Thanks for the reviews!

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Seven regarded her new and first love interest carefully. The shorter woman was fidgeting uncomfortably. She studied her captain's lips in a new light. She never thought that a mere contact of skin could ignite a fire in her stomach, or that the touch of a hand on her back could make her tingle with such a pleasant sensation. 

Kathryn looked up at Seven looking down on her. The gravity and practicality of the situation threatened to clamp down, but Kathryn wasn't ready yet. She pushed it away and reached up to cup Seven's face tenderly. "Darling…I feel like I've waited forever for you."

The couple jerked forward violently as the turbolift came to a crashing halt. Kathryn came to her senses with the realization that Seven had fallen directly on top of her. The redhead took in a sharp breath as she reveled in the sweet even weight of a body against her. Seven's body. _Oh crap. I am so screwed._

Seven, unaware of her Captain's troubles, carefully extricated herself from the ground and helped Kathryn to her feet.

"Computer, why has this turbolift halted?"

"Flawntasta florabev samesnit gooblymambledump." Replied the computer.

The duo glanced at each other and Kathryn tried again. "Computer, is there something wrong with the turbolift system?"

"Wling pickentes flodane ranchiendsome."

Janeway tapped her combadge, "Janeway to the Bridge."

After a moment there was no answer. Seven tried, "Seven to the Bridge."

Slightly panicked, Kathryn tried yet again, "Janeway to anyone on the ship, respond."

Meanwhile, Seven had taken off the side panel and was studying the inner workings of the lift system.

Kathryn came up behind her, "Manual override?"

"Unresponsive, Captain."

Kathryn gave a small snort of frustration, partly because they were trapped in a turbolift and partly because Seven had reverted back to 'Captain'.

In an effort to do something, Kathryn looked over Seven's shoulder, her hands were braced gently on Seven's back. At one point Kathryn shifted and the blonde physically shivered. At that point, Captain Janeway made several conclusions.

_Seven has a sensitive spot…log that away. Seven is turned on by that spot…Seven is turned on….by me…in a turbolift…in a _stuck_ turbolift. In a stuck turbolift without communication._

Kathryn grinned and shifted again.

The blonde stiffened beneath her, paused, and turned slightly, "Kathryn, I am aware that you are doing that on purpose."

Kathryn grinned, "Do you mind?"

This caught Seven off guard. She took a second to ponder and Kathryn moved from her squatting position to sit on the floor of the turbolift.

"The sensation was…frustrating. But not unpleasant."

Kathryn grinned again, "There are many spots like that. I look forward to showing them all to you someday."

Seven took this in slowly. Then she turned to sit on her knees in front of the Captain. She leaned in very close to her companion's face and whispered, "I would like to explore some of them now."

Kathryn felt a shiver down her spine as Seven's hot breath moved across her lips.

Kathryn couldn't believe her luck. She smiled and gently traced the outline of Seven's jaw. As their lips were mere inches from each other, Kathryn heavily whispered, "I would love to show you, Seven." She dropped her hand and changed her tone, "After we have gotten off this damned turbolift.

Kathryn stood, pulling Seven with her. The Captain looked up at the ceiling. "Would you like to claim this one?"

A heavy sigh came out of nowhere and Q's head appeared, floating near the ceiling. "Kathy, you have absolutely no clue how to take advantage of an opportunity."

"Oh, so now you're trying to get us together out of the goodness of your heart? I don't buy it."

Q twitched his head in defiance, "Of course not, I was going to watch."

The redhead gave a ten force glare. Q huffed again.

"Purely for research only, Kathy. How else am I going to steal you back?"

"Fix the turbolift and leave us alone, Q. We are not going to have sex in a turbolift."

He rolled his eyes, "Very well." Q declared and blinked dramatically, transporting Seven and Kathryn into the Captain's quarters.

Kathryn turned away from Seven, knowing that Q was standing behind her. Q spoke before the redhead could open her mouth. "I'm not a pervert, Kathy." He started pacing and waving his hands around like a Shakespearian actor. "I'm just trying to understand this concept of 'human sex'. As you've seen, Q sex is infinitely complex and beyond the scope of your understanding."

Kathryn rolled her eyes as Q continued. "But human copulation is unlike anything the Q have seen…it is primal…yet humans who lead other people avoid it like the plague…I mean, look at Jean-Luc!"

"Why the sudden interest, Q? The last time you were here, you appeared in my room, with a dozen roses."

Q shrugged, "Change of heart, Kathy-dear. I've decided that human copulation is far too primitive for the likes of a Q." He declared this as if it was his plan all along. "I'm going to leave you two to your…mattress dancing."

Kathryn rolled her eyes again, "Yes, Q, run away before our measly human activities give you a complex…please."

He grinned evilly, "Oh, but that's too easy, my Kathy!" He snapped his fingers.

Q had disappeared…along with their clothes. Kathryn gasped at the startling appearance of a fully naked Seven standing in front of her. After the moment shock, the redhead took in a reverent breath. Then she realized what she was doing. She grabbed the throw on her couch and wrapped it around Seven. Then she moved into her bedroom and grabbed her robe. As she pulled it on she rejoined Seven in the living area. "Q!" she screamed, despite her better judgment.

Q's head appeared floating behind her. "I thought you would appreciate my help." He defended.

"Q, why can't you leave well enough alone?"

Q seemed to ponder this for a moment. "Because I am a compassionate, helpful person?"

"Bullshit."

"I just wanted to move things along." He snapped. "Well, fine! I know when I'm not wanted. Go…have your lezzie sex, see if I care?" He disappeared, leaving a stunned, angry Starfleet Captain in his wake.

Kathryn couldn't face the blonde, "Seven, I'm so sorry. It wasn't—"

Seven had come up behind her, the throw wrapped loosely around her and she held in a bunch near her shoulder. "You are beautiful, Kathryn."

Shocked, the redhead could not think of a reasonable return. She reached up and cupped the ex-borg's cheek. "You're incredible, Seven."

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YAY! Ok, now, review! 


	4. Chapter 4

Ok, you all are going to have to forgive me for letting you down. I tried for a whole month to write the damned lemon and it didn't work. So I'm not going to post what I'm not proud of...so all you wonderful readers are going to have to use your imagination. If by some miracle my silly muse comes back to me, I'll fill in the missing chapter. In the meantime, I can't stand seeing an unfinished story. So here is the last chapter...if you don't remember what happened, skim through the story, I promise it will be funnier that way.

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Kathryn Janeway stepped onto the Bridge with a very large smile on her face. She walked past Tuvok and towards her sanctuary with a, "I'll be in my Ready Room, Commander, you may keep the Bridge."

"Aye, Captain." He called after her.

Kathryn sat down with her big smile and a large cup of black coffee.

The all too familiar flash of blue light switched her mood like warp speed. Q was sitting with his legs crossed on her couch, with a cup of tea in his hand. The Captain sighed in exasperation, "What did I do to deserve this?" She said tiredly.

"_Relax_, Kathy. I just wanted to know how last night was." Q delivered the statement with his familiar twitch.

"None of your business, Q, that's how it went."

Q stood and smashed the cup on the floor, "I'm insulted! I would just like to see the fruits of my labor."

"What the hell are you talking about, Q? All you did was make trouble."

"Who do you think pushed you onto that Borg's lips in the mess hall?"

Kathryn looked at him, stunned. He continued, "And who do you think gave blondie the text that explained to her that she was hopelessly in love with you?

Kathryn took a slow breath, not wanted to believe a word.

Q cut through her defenses, "Don't deny it, Kathy. You and your high and mighty Starfleet ideals would have let her slip away." He flittered his fingers for effect.

"You're lying, Q" She did not like the idea that she wasn't in control of her own actions.

"Ah, but I am not! Though I confess, it was not my idea! It was your First Officer, Chuckles."

Kathryn regarded him skeptically, "Now I now you are lying, Q."

Q folded his arms, "I'm insulted. After all I've done for you and you still don't trust me. Find out for yourself then." He blinked out of existence.

Kathryn narrowed her eyes. "Janeway to Chakotay, please report to my ready room."

As the dark haired First Officer walked in, Janeway glared at him, "Did you have anything to do with this whole fiasco?"

Chakotay blushed.

"Chakotay! What the hell were you thinking! Fraternizing with Q! Plotting against the Captain! I could have you court marshaled!"

Chakotay grinned from ear to ear. "But it was worth it, right?"

Kathryn's voice caught in her throat as she had a flashback to the night before. She conceded quietly, "Yeah, it was worth it. But if Q asks, I'll deny everything." She paused and then asked, "How? How did you do it, Chakotay?"

Chakotay stood and smiled broadly, "I just wanted to see you happy. Also, the crew was convinced that we would end up together. I decided I needed to quell that rumor." He turned to walk out.

"But why Q? How did he end up in this?"

Chakotay glanced back and smiled, "Captain, I'm not as straight as Q would have you to believe…but then again, neither is Q."

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Oh! Now that's a pairing! Forget QP, QC is the new thing! 

What? Oh yeah, this was a K7 fic. .grins.

Now review, or I'll have Q set you up on a date with Neelix.


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